Something is missing

I start to wonder why I decided to quit my jobs, sell my car, get rid of my insurance, sell all my furniture and box up all my belongings I left behind. I left my home where I grew up and all my friends that were genuinely special people I miss so much. I left behind my 20 years in California. The only thing I have left is memories and some photographs on my lap top. I think about home all the time. Especially when I see how things are so different here in Rome. I will never look at California the same. It's funny how you take things for granted when you live in a bubble and you don't realize how good you had it till you leave or it's gone. People really don't have a clue what goes on in other parts of the world. Even though I am staying in a paradise I can't help but miss my home and really appreciate where I came from. We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful state and city( Newport Beach, CA). Life is not just about what kind of car you are driving, how much money you are making, what condo/ apartment/ house you are living in, the grocery store you shop at, the clothes you wear, the places you shop or eat at, and the nail/ hair/ tanning salon you go to. Life has a lot more meaning then dollar signs. Back in newport I cared so much about how much money I made so I could keep up with everyone else. I wanted my nails done every week, I wanted to stay fit, I wanted the latest fashions, a glowing tan, the best makeup, and my hair done everyday. I cared so much about what people thought of me, the car I was driving, the phone I was talking on, my wallet in my designer bag, and the scent of my expensive perfume, even the jewelry I careful matched with my outfits I hardly wore more than once. You lose sight of what really matters when you get sucked into such a beautiful city. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with staying healthy and fit and dressing nice. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having expensive taste as long as you are living within means. To each is one. But when you are constantly chasing after something to fill a void. I promise you no material things will ever truly make you happy. This goes for drugs and alcohol as well. Maybe for a brief moment feeling numb or happy you got a new outfit, new video game, sound system etc.. but in the long run, whatever you are trying to fill won't be filled with the worth of material objects or the feeling of being high. It took myself thousands of dollars to realize that. I definitely had it good, still do. I'm starting to feel sorry I took so many things and people for granted. It's all a learning experience and I have so much desire to do many things over. But there is nothing I can do to change the past except wake up to a new day and do my best. Selling my car and my everything was not the smartest thing to do. But!!! I have a clean slate, and once all my little adventure is all finished I can go which ever direction I desire to go. NY, San Fran, LA or back to Newport. Back to college, back to the salon, or ready to start my own business. I don't know what I want to do with my life right now. I don't know where I will live or if I can even buy a new car. I don't know if I will even get a job. I don't have a clue. I'm definitely stressing out about what I am doing with myself. My moods are so up and down and I can't help but feel regret then have a burst of excitement because I'm on an amazing adventure. I hope things work out. I hope I can stay optimistic. I hope I can discover who I am and find my path or be lead in the right direction. A little lost? Yes!! Even in the streets of Rome. I'm on to a new chapter and closing this one. For all of you following my blog. I want you guys to know that anything is possible as long as you make it happen and have faith that everything will work. Just be wise about things. Running away from something isn't going to solve a problem, I promise! When you only have one life to live, you shouldn't take the people around you for granted. Every person you encounter some how impacts your life. The ones that really make a difference are the ones you are willing to enter into your life. Have faith. 

When your searching for something.. It might already be there in your presence, waiting for you.